Notting Hill Arts Club
NHAC really is an institution around these parts, with the floors and walls soaked in a pretty pungent mixture of sweat, tears and musical legacy. The likes of Bryson Tiller, Nas and Disclosure have graced the stage in recent years, but now it's a lot more about themed club nights, where DJs spin vinyl and everything from old school garage nights to Drake specials take place. A late night, no-frills place for a shakedown, which are by no means plentiful around here. Be warned these guys are crazy strict on ID no matter your age, so make sure you got it (or a photo of it).
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Heaven is exactly as God intended: a huge club nestled under Charing Cross' beautiful arches, where gays, queers and good folk can mingle, watch live performances, take part in stripping competitions and sweat it out on the dance floor. The only central London venue with a thousand person capacity, it's known around town for hosting some of the biggest names in music, like Tini Tempah, Lion Babe, Nao, Kano, Kehlani and FKA Twigs. It's also famed on the queer scene for welcoming G-A-Y's biggest club nights, including Gay Porn Idol, an amateur stripping competition, where average people wobble their bits and international cabaret superstars judge them for it. We thought hell would be naughty, but Heaven is pure filth.
Wotnot Tropical Loft Party
The days are cold, the nights are dark and instead of switching on the heating you're wrapped in five duvets because you're too damn petty to actually PAY for warmth. We feel you, winter is hard so treat yourself and head to more tropical climates, i.e. Peckham. Playing everything from calypso and dub to African disco and beyond, go ahead and warm your cockles at Wotnot.
Hagen & Hyde
Sometimes, all you need is just a warm, cosy, friendly boozer. And Hagen & Hyde is just that. Here, hidden away from the quiet streets of Balham, locals like to get loud and rowdy on a Monday (quiz night - it gets pretty real), get pretty groovy on the first Thursday of the month (blues jam bebeh) and get totally mash up on the weekend (because there's live Dj sets, but mostly because it's the muthafucking weekend). If it's the quiet, snuggle up with a paper vibe you're looking for - the hearty Sunday roast is pretty delicious.
DJ Q (All Night Long)
If you're looking for an excuse to bring your velour tracksuits out of retirement and want to don your sunglasses inside then this all-nighter set at The Nest is for you. Celebrating the best in bassline, the real northern powerhouse - Huddersfield's DJ Q - will take you through from 10pm to 4am with the very best in bass-driven garage and high-octane house. The night is sold out so put that Courvoisier on ice while you find yourself a ticket and get down there.