Your Weekend Agenda: 8-10 December
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Your bank account may be battered and tattered from all the Christmas presents you've bought for people you only moderately care about - but it's the weekend, damnit, and that paltry bank statement isn't gonna hold you back. No - you're going places, baby. Like that new restaurant you've been meaning to check out, or that exhibition you keep telling your friends you've seen. Live it up, that's what this season's all about - you can always sell your organs in the new year.
#1 Grab some good grub
Leyton has been getting a lot of heat lately, with a new, sleek eatery cropping up every other week on its rapidly-gentrifying streets. We're not going to touch this phenomenon from a moral standpoint - all we're here to do is tell you that Kettle & Ryan is a bang-up bistro with an E10 post code, serving up ethically-sourced grub and some choice grapes. Do with that information what you will.
#2 See sex and scandal
Modigliani lived fast, died young, and left a trail of controversy in his wake. His nude paintings caused quite a stir when they were exhibited in 1917 - and they even feel pretty naughty by today's standards, where you can see the inside of Kim Kardashian's cervix if you squint hard enough. Catch his signature elongated faces and bare bums at Tate Modern before they disappear.
#3 Get weird
Our favourite South London rave cave is taking a deep dive into musical weirdness tonight, with a bonkers lineup of otherworldly noisemakers that's sure to elicit some sweet head fuckery. Heading it all up is the dark prince of industrial IDM, Arca, whose epic DJ sets span everything from dark techno to bubblegum pop. He'll be joined by purveyor of haunting cinematic soundscapes Mica Levi, plus PC Music's Danny Harle and other musical misfits.
#4 Remove the filter
We may not Valencia our photos to within an inch of their life anymore, but we still haven't moved any closer to authenticity in the hyper-filtered universe of Instagram. That's why juggernaut photographer Juergen Teller's works are so enticing - his subjects are disengaged, unguarded, and never retouched. He is the antidote to the social media age, and his bewitching photos are on show at Alison Jacques Gallery.
#5 Get lost in sound
Unsound Dislocation is all about the uncanny, the disorienting, the otherworldly sounds that raise hairs and rattle spirits. It's a wild A/V ride through a musical experiment at the Barbican, featuring boundary pushers like NIVHEK (Liz Harris/Grouper), The Caretaker (Leyland Kirby of V/VM), and Aphex Twin collaborator Weirdcore. The whole thing's pretty cryptic and ethereal, just how we like our niche music festivals.
#6 Nest in this neighbourhood spot
What, another cosy neighbourhood eatery serving sustainable eats? Yeah, we can't get enough. So sue us. (Please don't sue us, we don't have a legal team.) This little Hackney nook cooks up meticulously-plotted dishes crafted around the chef's chosen meat, served up with a banging soundtrack and friendly vibes. We love it - so you'll love it, too, because we all know who's calling the shots around here.
#7 Scope some opulent digs
Lord Leighton's lavish pad in Holland Park is the ultimate in #interiordesigngoals. Seriously, Pinterest ain't got nothing on this guy - it's all gilded accents, marble pillars, dramatic staircases, and priceless artefacts from around the world. Nary a stained sofa or a 'Live, Laugh, Love' poster in sight. The man has impeccable taste.
#8 Get festive and shit
It's still Christmas. Are you still loving it? Good, we are too. We don't audibly and involuntarily gag every time we write up another Christmas market. We just love it. We love it all. We're little festive elves, here to bring you more Christmas. So here it is. Take it. Take the Christmas. Please, for the love of god.
#9 See some free cinema
Indie genius Wim Wenders' 1984 masterpiece serves up some gloriously derelict Americana with a healthy side of systemic family dysfunction - and it's showing for free at Brockwell Lido this Sunday. The film follows Travis (Harry Dean Stanton) in his attempt to put back the pieces of his shattered family life - recommended reading for anyone dreading the impending Christmas dinner falling out.