Your Weekend Agenda: 15-17 September

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There's something delightfully cheeky about this weekend. It's as if everything is winking at you slightly - some audacious cuisine here, some satirical art there. We're even encouraging you to look inside people's private homes. Yeah, it's gunna be a naughty one - but you like being naughty, don't you?
Friday 15th
#1 Bastardise you dinner
The Flavour Bastard is the restaurant equivalent of that culturally-confused globetrotter you know, the one you've always been slightly envious of. Chef Pratap Chahal (formerly of the Cinnamon Club) and restaurateur Vic Singh are paying no mind to the conventional rules of world cuisine, cross-breeding and bastardising flavours all over the place. This is punk fine dining and we're into it.
#2 Say hey to Satan
Friday is about letting your inner Satanist out, indulging in carnal sin, and drinking bang-up cocktails. Scuttle over to Satan's Whiskers to indulge in the dark arts, magical elixir in hand and quality nibbles on the table. The soundtrack is strictly old school hip hop, the vibe is dive-y, the lights are low - and it sets the right tone for the weekend.
#3 Go to the cinema
Being the oldest anything is no small feat. You have to have been around for at least... a long while. Phoenix Cinema has been around for a long, long while - since 1910 - making it London's oldest cinema. Set in a neon-laden Art Deco space, Phoenix shows some new releases alongside art house and international flicks. Plus, all proceeds go towards educational work and maintaining the building. We can get behind that.
Saturday 16th
#4 Look twice
Joan Conrellà's not letting anyone off. The acerbic cartoonist is taking aim at voluntourists, Instagram girls, racist police, dead-eyed businessmen - nobody's safe, and anyone might find their head drawn on a pair of huge, hairy testicles. Cornellà's way in demand now, so we're psyched that he's rolling through London and bringing his wonderfully fucked up cartoons with him. Don't miss this one.
#5 Go for a floral frolic
Flat Iron Square's weekly flea market gives us the warm fuzzies - there's just so much goodness, from the century-spanning treasures to the friendly stall owners. Throw a bunch of florals into the mix and it almost becomes too much to handle. The Royal Horticultural Society is blessing your weekend with a horticultural horde at the flea, plus workshops, face painting, and live music. What more do you need?
#6 Get all the way down
So, the last wedding we went to, we got pants-pissing drunk and kissed a few people from the wedding party in front of our grans. But damn it, it was fun, and we don't regret a thing.

We're tempted to recreate that glorious night at the Yard this Saturday, soundtracked by real-life Ghanaian wedding DJ and Awesome Tapes From Africa import Banana Hill. No, he's not going to be playing ABBA's back catalogue, but he will be playing some hot choons from the African continent that'll make you want to dad dance.
Sunday 17th
#7 Buckle down for brunch
Do you have something you're passionate about? Well, you might as well give it up now, because no one will ever be as passionate as these guys are about coffee. They love the beans so much, they even offer masterclasses in home brewing and latte art. That's some serious dedication to the craft. But if you're not into all that, you can always go for a hearty Antipodean brunch, a quality cuppa joe and a Sunday kickback.
#8 See some lavish abodes
Look, we're not saying we regularly peer in to the windows of lavish pads in posher ends of the city, but we're not not saying that either. Open House London gives us the chance to fully realise our creeper tendencies by throwing open the doors of some of the city's swankiest abodes. There's also public architectural gems on the programme, like the Gherkin, forgotten tube stations in Crystal Palace, and tree houses in Kew Gardens. But we'll be living the high life in the mansions, thanks.
#9 Soak up the community vibes
The word 'community' gets thrown around a lot, but it's hard to really find a place that's fostering one successfully. London Fields Sunday Festival is aiming to bring neighbourhood folks together to boost the communal vibes, and it's a pretty promising venture. The market offers high-quality traders, exciting workshops, and live music on the majestic greenery of London Fields. Food, fun, and friends - we could all do with a bit of that.
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