Weekend Shakedowns: 13th-15th October
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What do you mean you can't afford to wash, never mind spend £30 on tickets to a club night? London rinsing your bank balance dry with its skyrocketing rents, £1.95 cash machine transactions and the odd egg yolk for when you're dangerously low on vitamin D? Pfft, that sounds like the attitude of a quitter, so come discover what London has to offer, because you can always eat next week.
A lot can happen in ten years. If you would have told yourself a decade ago that in 2017 a reality TV show host would be leading us into total devastation you would have rightfully told your younger self to fuck off. But ten years ago, 2007 brought us Hessle Audio, the dark dance music label founded by Ben UFO, Pangaea and Pearson Sound who celebrate their double-digit birthday at the CLF Art Cafe this Friday.
The past two years by any estimation have been Discwoman’s years - the crew of American DJs and producers who’re flipping dance music on its head with warped techno and sci-fi-inspired electronica. Now, they bring the ferocity and sweat-drenched vibes from their New York home to the Corsica dungeon for a rare voyage into pumpin’ house music and music meant for steamy bathhouses on UK shores.
The long-standing, almost iconic club night Thunder celebrate six years of groundbreaking parties by, er, hosting their last one ever. Yes, like a cruel coincidence after Friday 13th October, Thunder will be no more and London will be worse off for it. But don't cry, because their last outing will be anything but sad as Prosumer, Miles Simpson and Will Webster will be saying goodbye in true style.
Ok, we only very rarely peddle any club night whose fan-bases fall under the umbrella of ‘white guys who enthuse about a healthy lifestyle while huffing ketamin off a Bill Hicks DVD.’ But hey, we have to step outside our comfort zone sometimes and we’re happy to do it for Mungo’s Hifi, the Scottish crew of dub DJs whose homemade sound-system will probably be the beefiest you’ve ever heard.
Being able to breathe is important because - and stay with us on this one - breathing keeps us alive, and London is a cesspool of pollution and fatbergs. This comes to be the inspiration behind Cr002 who aim to highlight London’s pollution problems by getting fucked up, and they’ve brought a stellar line-up of Circadian Rhythms, Silk Road Assassins, Last Japan and Hex to help you do just that.
What a year it’s been for Phonox’s resident HAAi, and to celebrate what has been a monumental year, HAAi will be doing what she does best, manning the Phonox dancefloor all-night long. Come aboard.
It’s getting dark at like, 3pm now and getting out of bed in the morning is harder than Nigel Farage on St. George’s Day. But to usher you out from the depths of hell that is autumn are Slide, who bring some of London’s disco elite in Red Rack'em, Nick The Record and Yam Who to The Prince of Wales for a night made to make you sweat.
You’re a horrible, despicable, disgusting person. You haven’t washed yourself in almost a week and you’ve spent your final tenner on five Tyskies and a bottle of Johnson’s baby oil in an attempt to get you high on the cheap. You’ve gone 80% blind through lack of sleep and you’ve lost so many brain cells that now the little fridge light bulb confuses you. If that sounds like you then great, you’re a horrible person, so go to Jaded this Sunday.